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‘Saving Lewis and Clark’ isn’t on CBS without lottery money

    Monday, October 22, 2018 -- (Long Beach, CA) -- If Arnold convinces That Jon Guy to pull strings, perhaps a Cowboy Broadcast System will air nightly five-minute ads before the news, showing a dork ride a horse across America. “Everybody, please,” will say Tom Just Tom, “don’t count on it.”

    “Saving Lewis and Clark” features a married couple -- Lori and December -- and the dork named Larry, who again wins the lottery... bigger than his first time.

    Now, the couple’s friend must keep absurd promises, to ride a horse across this great nation, and wear a funny hat, or That Jon Guy will humiliate the dork, until he shells out millions to run together against a Sexist-Pig-in-Chief, President Dick Bomber. (President Who?)

    Lori Lewis and December Carrera return as the romantic lead for their fifth novel, but once again, hatred spewed from the White House or during an earlier confirmation hearing show social butchery that suggests the “Post Gender” genre remains mere fiction.

    In this new genre, love and courage outrank hatred and division. The heroism of Lieutenant Lori Lewis will shine, and her wife’s navigation skills will make December (and their son, Riley) look like Sacajawea.

    Who’s Arnold? And That Jon Guy? And Tom Just Tom? Or that Clark in the title? That sounds like a bunch of men. And possibly real men, who might look and act like men. What’s so “Post Gender” about that? (Or, them?)

    Love is not defined by what you are, but who is in your heart. Courage is shown by the soul. Lori and December are, indeed, women, just as Larry and Arnold and those others are men. (And hopefully, really funny men.)

    Why, that sounds like comedy. Why not win $1.6 billion in tomorrow’s lottery and shell out that money to produce an absurd television series? Well, here’s an obvious answer. Novels start on Day One, and since Day Two will likely include tossing tickets in the trash, the best plan is to keep writing. Unlike the lottery, novels aren’t finished by dreams.

    The First Rule of Politics is that, Time is inexorable. “You either use it, or lose it.” Creating fiction of an absurd presidential campaign -- to act as a national catharsis that ousts hateful and division -- means a writer better get to work right now. Writing sixty or seventy thousand words would lay text perhaps by late next year.

    By that time, it will be clear whether the President faces an open primary battle, and who among the opposition is elbowing their way up the ladder. Anyone serious about weighing in on the 2020 presidential election better be in full-speed action now.

    While the dream of winning $1.6 billion -- that’s with a B -- tomorrow sure would be nice, perhaps the inexorable ticking of time makes Day One worth just a little more.

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October 22, 2018    ‘Saving Lewis and Clark’ isn’t on CBS without lottery money FB     Grace
October 20, 2018    God knows who wins, for, “It’s not over, Til it’s over..., Over There.” FB     Grace
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October 11, 2018    The Grand Old Party is evaporating FB     Grace
October 9, 2018    The snowflake’s chance in Hell FB     Grace
October 6, 2018    Convict the President in the ‘Court of Public Opinion’ by throwing out the bums FB     Grace
September 26, 2018    Let “post gender” fiction take the prize FB     Grace
September 24, 2018    Dick Bomber ain't just fiction FB     Grace
September 22, 2018    When Mr. Putin seizes the vacuum FB     Grace
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March 1, 2018    The Universal Truth of Time FB     Grace
February 15, 2018    Go, Washington Fat Cats! FB     Grace
February 8, 2018    When the Commander-in-Chief orders more then a military parade FB     Grace
February 6, 2018    Jerry Brown’s true act of grace is "Ronald Reagan Day" FB     Grace
February 5, 2018    Will God stand beside her, if hatred guides her? FB     Grace
January 31, 2018    Who shall smile, when Russia fires brimstone upon North Korea? FB     Grace
January 30, 2018    What is the State of our imperfect Union? FB     Grace
January 29, 2018    ‘We are all equal in the eyes of God,’ said Mr. Reagan FB     Grace
January 28, 2018    Does America still have a Confessor-in-Chief? FB     Grace
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January 21, 2018    The imperfection of the human soul FB     Grace
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January 11, 2018    Let Dr. King’s Two-or-Ten show the true meaning of love FB     Grace
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January 10, 2018    When you lie to farmers, someone will ‘Give ‘em Hell’ FB     Grace
January 6, 2018    'Fire and brimstone burn all souls' FB     Grace
January 5, 2018    (A dream) -- The Pyramid and the Ring FB     Grace
January 4, 2018    A soul slain like a sacrificial lamb FB     Grace
January 1, 2018    Lemonade Park, America FB     Grace
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July 18, 2017    Ronald Reagan still rises from the dust FB     Grace
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June 18, 2017    Three fathers construct America’s smallest working barn FB     Grace
June 15, 2017    Party of Grace throwing Independence Day barn dance to help save America from hate FB     Grace

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Billy Orton is a novelist and historian living in Long Beach, California.